When I think of the word passion, I think of something that I am compelled to do, something I would not feel right about not doing. A very strong instinct. I have not always been good about trusting my instincts – I second guess myself…a lot. But as a new counselor, I have learned that trusting my instincts is an essential part of my job. And I am passionate about my job. Passionate in the sense that I believe I would not feel right not counseling. When people ask me when I decided or how I decided I wanted to be a counselor, I pause and honestly answer with, “I don’t know.” Probably not an answer you’d want to hear from your therapist. I think I can trace it back to junior or senior year of high school? All I can say is that I felt compelled. I didn’t really know what being a counselor meant - I didn’t even enter counseling myself until college! By then, I was well into a psychology degree that had me taking classes on statistics, physiology of the brain, and research methods, things I was certainly not passionate about! But I was passionate about people in need, people in pain, and I felt compelled to listen to other people’s stories, be a safe place for them to share their souls, as well as trade ideas on life, sin, and healing. This passion grew even stronger once I entered graduate school and actually began counseling.
As I’ve been reflecting on this topic, I realize that my passion can be blocked. Like by a brick wall. And I think I am my own brick wall. My insecurities are the bricks of this wall. One such brick in my wall is that of feelings of incompetence. I went through a period of work a couple of months ago where I felt I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and it affected my work so much that I literally had a meltdown in front of my boss. He reassured me, that I did in fact have some idea of what I was doing, that I was doing my job well, and that I needed to relax. His honest and encouraging feedback saved me from myself! By my feelings of incompetence, I was blocking myself and my passion to help others.
Now I am facing another brick wall. I am passionate about community and relationships. I feel I have been experiencing a drought in these areas recently. I am examining this wall, trying to figure out what kind of bricks are composing this wall. Certainly, relationships and community involve more than one person and I know that I can try everything I possibly can to make something happen, but nothing will happen if the other party does not reciprocate. But I’m feeling stuck, not sure what to do next, on the verge of giving up and becoming a hobbit. I’m standing at a brick wall and I’m examining the bricks to see what is keeping me there: insecurity? Fear of the unknown or unfamiliar? Fear of meeting new people? Fear of rejection?
The amazing thing about Christ is that he breaks down these walls. These walls made of bricks comprised of feelings and thoughts that keep us from what he made us uniquely passionate about. Praise God for this! And all it takes is faith as a big of a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20; Luke 17:6), which is also something to praise God for because sometimes I know I don’t have much more than a mustard seed’s worth of faith! Praise God for his amazing grace, for tearing down the walls, even when I only have faith the size of a small seed!
J
J
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